4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
Getting drunk in a different country is not a good idea. Lets just say spanish women, 17 yr olds from missouri, prostitutes, and a poodle. I don´t want to leave spain.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
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