Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
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