I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
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