I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
Randomize
