Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
