i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Randomize
