Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
Randomize
