That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize