There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
Randomize
