so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Randomize
