you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
