Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
Randomize
