Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
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