Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
Randomize
