I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
