'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
