she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Randomize
