No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
