this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize
