I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
Randomize
