I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Randomize
