I think i peed on brittanys purse
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
