I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
Acid is not a monday night drug
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
