I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Randomize
