If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Randomize
