You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
