I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
