what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
