Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
Randomize
