Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
