BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
Randomize
