A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
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