I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
Soap is not a condiment
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
Randomize