I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
