i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
Randomize
