You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize
