There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
Randomize
