Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Randomize
