I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
