some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
