he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
