My room smells like vodka and shame
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
Randomize
