I have demons in me.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
