I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
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