tonight lets celebrate not being married
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
Randomize
