She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
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