he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Randomize
