She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
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