So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
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i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
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we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
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