so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
I puked a lego.
just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
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