i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
