saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
i out mim tonsoeep
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