if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
