Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
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