I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
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