you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
