in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
Randomize
