they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
