I'm so fucking centered right now
omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
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