just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Randomize
