She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
