I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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