Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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