Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
