What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
