I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
