woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
This is the prime rib incident all over again
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
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