my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
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