who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
