tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
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