if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
