I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
Randomize
