we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
Actions speak louder than pants.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
Randomize
