You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Randomize
