How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
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