well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
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