I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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