It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
