the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
